Sunday, March 30, 2014

Empty

I feel like I've been living on empty for a while now. Empty of energy. Empty of motivation. Empty of creativity. Empty of enthusiasm. And, existing on empty can only maintain itself so long before the want-to-be-full feeling begins to seem unattainable.
Maybe I feel empty because I'm tired. Middle-of-the-night meetings with a certain three month old will do that. 

Or maybe because I'm in a period of transition. The kind of transition that began a year ago and that I never anticipated would still involve the haze of wondering and praying and waiting. 
Or maybe because I sometimes feel alone. The weight of family burdens or other relational strains aren't always appropriate to openly discuss.

Or maybe because I think too much. Scenarios play out, worries creep in, and joy diminishes when my thoughts on are on circumstances.
Most likely, though, I feel empty because I'm trying too hard to do too many things for too many people. Pressures and demands are constant. Fears and doubts are real. Frustration and disappointment are nagging.

And it's all in vain.
It's in vain because Jesus invites me to "Come... all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

It's in vain because Jesus tells me to "Cast all [my] anxiety on him because he cares for [me]." (1 Peter 5:7)

So in these days-turned-to-weeks of emptiness, I'm praying and believing in fullness. Fullness of peace and joy and contentment and purpose. Jesus has promised it and I am claiming it.

3 comments:

  1. Sweet Sister...I can relate! But if it makes you feel any better, you look gorgeous in these pictures! Praying spring and a season of new life helps brings back meaning and true joy in the day-to-day life of one of the most wonderful women I'm privileged to know!

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  2. Sarah, I can relate to you feeling empty. I remember feeling that way when my kids were all small and again when Ben graduated and left for college. For me it was the question of what how am I ever going to raise these kids to be responsible, God fearing adults and then when they leave what will I do. They are so special and I love being their mom. The responsibility of being a mom and a loving wife was very overwhelming for me and I felt thAt I was failing sometimes but Doug would remind me that I can't do anything if I don't have the Lord's help. Sarah, things can wait (ie clean house, neat yard groceries spotless bathrooms and clean laundry) take a break enjoy your kids fill your cup with their joy and the joy of friends. You may need to take a break for a few weeks of being everything to everyone. That was hard for me but once my cup was full again I was able to be there for everyone. There is nothing wrong with an emotional and spiritual vacation! Love you and will be praying for you.

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  3. Thanks for sharing. Can relate in many was as we also are in transition. Thankful for you and praying for you, sister!

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