These pictures are several weeks old. My growing string of blog post drafts are several weeks old. My voice mail has saved messages that are several weeks old... and I still haven't returned the calls. My to-do list continues to get longer and many items on it are - you guessed it - several weeks old.
Several weeks old has been a trend lately. Well, at least for the last several weeks it has been.
Maybe because I'm pregnant - motivation is hard to come by when I'm large and tired. Maybe because I'm busy managing my home - laundry, cooking, cleaning, and ironing don't happen by chance around here. Maybe because I'm teaching three young ones every day at home - some days are a breeze and others are a reiteration of what I thought we accomplished weeks ago. Maybe because my family of five each has different needs and schedules - being here and there for each person is a difficult balance.
And, most likely, maybe because I'm in a place of waiting - moving forward, in even the simplest of things, can seem difficult when waiting.
But waiting isn't doing nothing. It's not sitting. It's not thumb-twiddling. It's not excuse-making. That's idleness and laziness.
Waiting is active. Waiting still pursues. Waiting still takes steps forward. Waiting still makes decisions. That's intentionality and faith living. It's the results - the answers, the directions, the confirmations - that require a steadfastness to choose faith while waiting.
Noah knew this. God said build a boat and he did. God said the world would perish in a flood and Noah had to choose active obedience as he waited on God's timing.
Abraham knew this. God told him to go and he went. God promised him generational blessing and Abraham
was willing to obey to the point of sacrifice. He was willing to wait to see how God would faithfully act to still keep his promise.
Joshua knew this. God told him to wait and march around a city. It likely seemed silly and it probably seemed like a time-waster, but Joshua obeyed and waited. He knew God was faithful and that waiting on God's time demanded obedience in the process.
Ana knew this. God promised a coming Messiah and she remained faithful in her prayers and her ministry to God's people while waiting. Faithful in her prayers and ministry while waiting for upwards of 80 years.
And I think about Daniel, Esther, David, Peter, and so many others who knew it. They knew that waiting was a privilege because it demanded active faith so that when God delivered and answered and provided there was no room to question how any of it was possible. They knew that waiting was a vehicle of grace for God to show himself true.
So back to my above comment that waiting is active, pursues, and takes steps forward. That's where I am - trying to wait with my hands open while keeping my mind focused on God's will and not my own. And it's hard sometimes, really hard.
I'm grateful that in my times of waiting, however long, I can wait in confidence because I am already victorious: "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3
Do you see it? I have direct access to God. He invites me to pray - to call on him and ask for direction and for power to choose faith. Then, he promises to answer me - to go above and beyond my hopes in showing me perspective I wouldn't have otherwise known. God delights in delighting me by first showing himself powerful. I never wait in confusion because God has promised me he has reasons and answers - even when it's not my time to know them.
Waiting is challenging. Sometimes frustrating. Usually lonely. Often discouraging. But it's always a gift. A gift of grace for God to remind me that he is God and I am not.