Ramblings From This Week

I need a vacation from being on vacation! Traveling and unpacking and getting back into a groove after being gone for a week has me out of sync with my routine. 

This week has been a blur - and not without several incidents of heartache and frustration. But, maybe being tired only made those things seem harder than they really were.

It's always a precarious thing to care about other people. It's a beautiful thing and a rewarding thing. But also a potentially difficult and hurtful thing.

Grady's family said goodbye to his Grandmother this week. She met Jesus on Wednesday and is now worshiping without earthly constraint. Goodbye is difficult, but this goodbye is also wonderful.

The really profound thing is that Grady's family hasn't struggled about losing Grandma. There's no struggle because they haven't lost her since they know where she is. Heaven is ablaze with God's glorious mercies and grace.

Ever see a need that you want to meet? Something that knocks on your heart so hard you have trouble sleeping? I have. In fact, I see the need and I feel the knocking right now.

But other than pray fervently and make some small budget rearrangements, there's not a lot I can do to meet the need. And that hurts. A lot. In spite of this, I'm grateful for a God that knows my heart and has all things balanced perfectly in his hands. When I remember this - really remember this - then the sleep starts to come.

Not only has my heart and mind been full this week, my schedule has been full. Apparently my three kids didn't catch on to the fact that I have lots on my mind and so playing together quietly and nicely would be the appropriate thing to do this week.

We ran from here to there managing the calendar and also trying to make the most of sunny days outside. Preschool pals at the library, playground play dates, Noah's Art classes, running errands, and keeping up with things at home.

A friend called to talk the other day and asked what I was up to. Did she really want to know? Well, okay, since you asked. I've cleaned three bathrooms, folded two loads of laundry, changed sheets on four beds, and reorganized the pantry. And yes, it's only 11:30 am and the litany of chores for the rest of the day still remained.

It's true: this is, in fact, my life and I'm sticking to it. And, believe it or not, I find great joy have deep contentment in where I am. Goodness gracious there are days when I want to throw in the dish towel (or dirty diapers, or snotty tissues, or lite-brite pegs, or...) and return to my days of high heels and business meetings.

But then I stop and think about all that God has enabled me to do and all that he has graced me to experience as a full-time mom, and I remember why I'm doing what I'm doing.

God never asks me to be successful, just faithful. He asks for my best, but that doesn't always translate into winning or coming out on top. And, believe me, I should know: time and time again I realize how far I have to go at improving on the listen-before-I-speak concept and the count-to-ten-before-I-react idea.

God does ask me to be faithful in obedience to him - always. And, since he has always been faithful to me it should be a cinch to act in faithful obedience to him, right? Not so much. I'm a work in progress.

Despite my (many!) shortcomings, God chose me to mother three made-in-his-image kids. He also chose me to serve and follow and help enable my husband, who also happens to be my best friend, to be all that he can be.

For me, these two tasks are full-time jobs. Round the clock. Always on and never off duty. I get tired sometimes. I get overwhelmed sometimes. But I have unexplainable strength and fulfillment all the time because I know I'm where I belong.

Faithful obedience is hard, especially if I play the comparison game. Her house is beautiful. Her kids are respectful. Her ministry is flourishing. But wait a minute, I'm not accountable to God for her, only for me. And then it hits me, once again, that God doesn't ask me to be successful, just faithful.

Whew. So many ramblings, so little time. Good thing God asks me to take one step of obedience at a time and not a week's worth!