I Got Nothin'

I'm sitting here trying to come up with something to write. Something to talk about. Something worth using my time to share and using your time to read. But I've got nothin'. Absolutely nothin'.

I started to write about the joys of being  home with my kids and how I can't imagine being anywhere else or doing anything else. And then my mind wandered to homeschooling...

So I started to write about homeschooling and how it's a wonderfully perfect fit for our family for right now. How homeschooling has been the best thing ever for Grady Lee in these transitioning years. But then my mind started to wander to the long road road ahead of helping Grady Lee with his various needs and quirks...

So then I started to write about his speech needs, his behavioral needs, his sensory needs, and his emotional needs. But then my mind wandered to the perfect-down-to-the-second ways God has directed our steps to help him...

So then I started to write about wonderful answers to prayer regarding insurance, therapists, teachers, and most of all my rock-solid husband who never bats an eye about problems of today because he's so focused on the end-result of tomorrow. And then my mind started to wander to the man of my dreams...

And I started to write about the second best gift I've ever been given (number one being the gift of saving love!) by having the privilege to call Grady my husband and my friend. Forever and ever. He looks me in the eye regularly and reminds me that together we are much better than apart and that together we are unstoppable. So then my mind started wandering to some of the hopes and dreams we share...

And I started to write about the kids on every continent we want to support, the missionaries we want to visit and encourage, and the organizations we want to wrap our time and money and prayers around. I'm in the middle of reading No Longer A Slumdog and I can't shake the images and words from my day to day way of living. So then my mind started wandering to the things I think I really need...

And I started to write about some of my wants and how they pale - totally pale - in comparison to the many needs of people in my neighborhood (yes, this middle class, white picket fence kind of place has needs), in my city (yes, think billion dollar banking city has needs), and in my country (yes, the land of the free and equal has needs). So then my mind started wandering to how I can make the tiniest of impressions on a place that needs so much...

And I started to write about where I fail in giving 100 percent of my time and energy and money and ambition to God and his kingdom-building purposes. So then my mind started wandering to my need to be intentional for eternity...

And then I started to write about how I need to be intentional with my family, my friends, my ministry, and well, my everything. I can want to do a lot of things. I can intend to do a lot of things. But I have to intentionally do those things to get action and to get results. So then my mind started wandering to people I admire who live uninhibited and with passion for Truth and its mark on this world...

And then I started to write about Paul and Daniel and Esther - some of my Bible-time favorites. I also started to write about Hudson Taylor, David Brainard, and DL Moody - influential missionaries of days past. I also started to write about the George family, the Cail family, and the Aulie family - some precious missionaries serving today. So then my mind started wandering to where I am today and where I want to be tomorrow and where I want to be in five, ten, and twenty years from now...

And then I started to write about being a wife, being a mom, being a friend, being a servant, and being a worker who did everything I could to earn "Well done good and faithful." But then I stopped writing because I realized I have a lot to learn and a lot to do and a lot to change before then.

See that? I just can't come up with what to write about. Something to talk about. Something worth using my time to share and using your time to read. I've got nothin'. Absolutely nothin'.